She's gonna love me in my Chevy van, and that's all right with me

on tuesday i had my first taste of a proper classic bike and car meet at the blue pigeon in worth, kent. i have previously been to various car shows, but this was the first more intimate "less poncy" more fun one i had the pleasure of attending.

the landlady, marylin and her partner have recently been taking part in channel 4 tv show "three in a bed" and channel 4 were there to film.

sadly(?) i don't think i made it on to camera but enjoyed the sites.

there weren't too many cars there, given that it was a fairly small car park outside the pub, but there was lots of chatting, drinking and sitting on bonnets of very pretty cars.

there was an older couple there, i don't think specifically for the meet itself who had a couple of gorgeous dogs, and i got chatting. they commented on the way we were all dressed and asked if we could dance. well yes, we can, so nicky and i had a little jive amongst the cars, which was fun.

we weren't there for very long, the trouble with standing around and looking at cars, is that well, you're standing around looking at cars, and being less of a petrol head and more of an appreciative of the aesthetics of older cars, it was soon time to go.

only one thing tarnished the evening, sadly, and that is the immaturity of some people. hey ho.

i am pleased to say that marylin won! i'm not sure when the show will be aired, but you'll get to see lots of awesome hotrods and it seems like it'll be a bit more interesting that what i usually see on that show (from what i have seen)

i am afraid i did not have my camera, so there are no pictures of that evening, however, as it is on topic i have put a picture i took at the Chicken Run 2010 back in July which hopefully you'll enjoy.

xo

following on from my last post, i bring you the 'Espresso Martini'

2 shots of espresso

25ml vodka

25ml kahlua

12.5ml baileys

12.5ml tia maria

12.5ml amaretto

pour all over ice and shake, strain into a martini glass and garnish with a few coffee beans.

be hopelessly awake for hours.

perfect for when you're out for the night and you're starting to feel a bit sleepy around the 8-9 o'clock mark.

enjoy

xo

all good things come to an end...

Mondays. i don't like them. suddenly your weekend has come to an end and it's back to the daily grind for another 5 days. *grump*

having had a rather fun weekend, i am less than pleased to be sitting at my desk.

Friday night was spent watching Deathproof with rather pleasant company and saturday involved a drive up to london to see the Ben Cooper Trio, then a brief visit to the boston arms. I have to say i'm always rather disappointed with the london 'rockin'' scene. everyone seems much more concerned with the way they look rather than having fun. given that it was £10 entry and there was not really any dancing, just a lot of standing around. I did however sample many cocktails and purchased a new top from Collectif. Now, i had not yet had a chance to visit the new store in camden, the last time i went it was a pokey little thing. this new store is a-maz-ing. i could have spent hundreds of pounds. there were so many styles and prints not even featured on the website, and as with most things, it was delightful to actually be able to try things on rather than order online and not actually know how they will look. So i purchased the deloras top in red and white. I adore this cut, I already own the red and white polka dot wiggle dress in the same style, which I have decided to wear tomorrow to the Blue Pigeon Classic Car Show.

I digress. Yes, so saturday was fun, and yesterday was also good. I went over to The Farmhouse tent at the Euro Fair in Canterbury's Dane John Gardens to be a supportive face for a friend who was djing. despite the monsoon style weather causing a lack of attendance just about everywhere it was nice to catch up with some people briefly and have a little dance. Then a few sunday afternoon cider's sheltering in a pub before heading home to be lazy, order pizza and watch Juno with a friend.

I think i'm getting rather comfortable with my "singledom" now. i don't think i really want any more than a little male attention to keep me satiated, which i think is a rather good place to be in really.

Things...

yes, things. What is it about things that we covet. Everyone likes 'things' whether your interest lies in technology shaped things, to clothing, ornament type things, garden shaped things. We all, unashamedly love things.

When was the last time you had a "ohmygodihavetohavethisismylifenoworiwillcertainlydie" moments?

i have these moments quite frequently, so frequently in fact that years ago i managed to get into a ridiculous amount of debt in order to own these thing. the things in question, were clothes, trinkets. if i had gone on a round the world trip, or had even bough an insane amount of valuable vintage then fine. but no. most of these things are now ludicrously dated and are sitting in massive suitcase in my basement (which until a few weeks ago had developed its own ecosystem and was producing fungus from the walls - nice)

my new passion, kitchen things. never mind that i haven't actually done a "big shop" in months and despite only having a can of kidney beans, a jar of lemon curd, a jar of marmite and an array of herbs and spices in my cupboard at home (im not joking, i finished off the last of my pasta a few days ago, i was going to have it dry but i procured some pesto from my housemate last minute) - i like kitchen things. My le creuset casserole sits proudly on the window ledge even though that hasn't been used in god knows how long, along side various kitsch trays adorned with elvgren girls, about 12 cookery books. on the side sits my polka dot tea set (unused). Recently Wilkinson were offering pastel cooking utensils and jugs and bowls and ddlasjdfhlsfj everything. que "ohmygodihavetohavethisismylifenoworiwillcertainlydie" moment.

My point is, is that i don't suppose anyone really wants to think of themselves as completely materialistic. i mean, i value family and friends much more than "things". but owning things seems to make you feel better. how many times ladies have you felt down in the dumps and just wanted to buy something to make yourself feel better? i guess the term "retail therepy" was coined for a reason.

moral of the story - owning things makes you feel good. yes, i guess i'm materialistic. i'm dealing with it well.

xo

Fun and Games...

So, Yet again a ridiculously long time has elapsed since my last update. there is much to say but i shan't say it. suffice to say that since my last update, the hypnotherapy didn't last and my boyfriend and i broke up in may.

as we peer expectantly towards 2011, through the yellowing trees, cooler days, longer nights i don't think i will be the first one out of my group of friends to happily wave good bye to this year. 2010 has been turbulent to say the least with many more downs than ups for most everyone i know. whether it be money worries, career based or good old fashioned heart break the gods seem to have been out in force this year wrecking havoc all over the place. with only a few more months to endure i sure hope things start to look up for everyone. i for one will be welcoming 2011 with open arms.

Friends, 2011 will be our year.

xo

Thursday 25th March, I had hypnotherapy.

Why? To stop eating. Not literally stop all together. That would be ridiculous, to stop OVER eating.

I am obsessed with food, or rather, is that 'was'. My life mostly revolved around food:

Bored:Eat

Sad:Eat

Angry:Eat

Happy:Eat etc etc

and I couldn't stop when I was full. Just kept eating. Snacking. Picking. Just one more biscuit, just a small bit of cheese (x5). Walking down the highstreet was like torture, a variety of fast food outlets, cafes, restaurants, patisseries all oozing out their inviting smell. I felt like Alice in Wonderland except everything had a little label on it saying "Eat Me".

I'd see a recipe and start to salivate, I was hopeless at food shopping and would either come out with EVERYTHING or nothing at all in fear of buying a loaf of bread would lead to me eating the whole loaf and a block of cheese.

And it wasn't JUST my compulsion to eat, there was portion sizes. My boyfriend has (as most men do) a MUCH faster metabolism than me and can eat and eat and eat. So when we cook, I have to cook al ot more, and he gets double portions, or rather he should, but I always ended up dishing up half and half, (after the obligatory cook's snack whilst cooking).

Now, by rights I should be the size of a house. I'm not, I am overweight. UK size 14. 12 if I'm lucky. But certainly not FAT. I used to be though, and last year I managed to loose 3.5 stone (43lbs). I went a bit crazy really, barely ate and survived on diet coke and cigarettes. But I did it, went from a size 18 - 12 (I've put a little bit on....) between January and April/May 2009.

But I could see the old habits returning. "Oh... I'll just have this, Oh, just one more." Trouble was I could see I wasn't normal in my eating habits, my friends love food, and we like to go out for meals, but they're not OBSESSED like I seemed to be?

Enough back story. A woman at work is also a hypnotherapist, talking to her jokingly one day about her hypnotising me to stop eating , she said she would. A couple of months later, I decided, well it can't hurt can it? She did it for free, so I had nothing to loose. So last Thursday, after work I "went under".

Now, it's not "going under" I was fully aware of everything that was going on, I can remember everything she said to me, I can remember everything I said to her. She had told me she was going to do a re-frame. Change the way I think about eating and food. After about half and hour it was over. It was quite emotional in places as she tried to go back to where perhaps in my life I started overeating and why I may have etc. She also made me think about something that has happened that made me feel really happy in life. Several things and to hold on to them, let the feeling wash over you etc. then anchor it between your thumb and finger and keep it there. That is your anchor. any wobbles, any worries, use the anchor, pinch your thumb and forefinger together and that feeling will wash over you.

Now... I'm not skeptical at all, I'm quite open minded, but at the same time I had no idea if any of this would work. Why would it, I didn't feel any different afterwards, I wasn't "under", there was no great epiphany. It was 6.30 and I was going home to make me some dinner before I went out to meet a friend for a drink. (ah look food again)

So I went home, made a jacket potato and tuna. I ate it, and bizarrely, I was full. Actually full, it wasn't a big potato. only a small bit of tuna. (thought I'd try and be good) - I went to the pub to meet my friend and was actually struggling to have a drink because I felt so full up. Weired. Mind over matter.

Next day, got a sandwich at lunch (M&S Count on Us) and CoU crisps, couldn't finish the crisps. Threw them away. didn't want them.

In the evening, had a ready meal as I was going out and didn't have time. One of those piddly little things. Full.

Way home, was hungry, had a chicken Shish, BF wanted to get big greasy pizza. Now, I was actually hungry, so I ate. I didn't want something greasy and bad, i wanted something relatively healthy.

Saturday, friends and I went out to lunch, they had pizzas etc, I really wasn't very hungry so I had a starter and was full, didn't even want the garlic bread that my 3 year old friends son didn't want, (and believe me i would have polished that off in a second a week ago!). But again the strange thing is is that I GENUINELY don't want it.

This behavior has carried on and on, I even went out for Curry on Sunday evening. I couldn't finish it all and I couldn't finish my lunch or dinner last night.

just simply too full, I don't think about food unless it's a meal time, and I still love food and love to cook, but don't want it unless I'm hungry.

It's fantastic, of course I don't know how long it'll last. But it's as if my whole attitude has changed. L (Hypno lady) thinks it should last forever really, as it's a re frame. Not an aversion to food.

I love food, but I don't want it thanks!

I feel like this must be how normal people are with normal eating habits. I don't want to spend my life on a diet. I just want to be able to eat what I want but in moderation and stop when I'm full... to be able to recognise when I'm full.

And that's exactly what I'm doing and hopefully in a few weeks I'll see some results in the way of lbs.

I am going to use this blog to document how well I do and how I feel about food as well as day to day things that I love such as dancing, Vintage fashions and lifestyle, sewing (or rather my comedic attempts to) and various other bits and bobs which make me, me.

Ah ha.

Haven't updated in forever. I sorted started it didn't I, and never came back.

162lbs now. Good stuff.

What else.

Well, to be honest I have become rather enraged about something the last few days, and that is the BNP.

Obviously I am anti fasist, but I am also the first to admit that this country does have a lax attitude to immigration and that something does need to be done. Also the way that as a technically Christian country, in some instances some towns have been reported as not allowing Christmas Lights to be used and replaces with the religiously ambiguous, Festive Lights.

I also get annoyed at the volume of people in the country that don't make any effort to speak English.

HOWEVER, Nick Griffin, Holocaust denier, joined the National Front at 15, chums with the former leader of America's infamous Klu Klux Klan, is HE REALLY what this country needs. Aside from his accutly repulsive physical appearance and demeanour... how coudl ANYONE in this day and age not perform a quick Google search and read up on the BNP policies and then conclue that this is the best that Britain has to offer politically??

I saw something that outraged me on Twitter just now, "tweeted" by some ignoramus.

"British Jobs for British People"

First of all, (this is could be a gross over-estimate - but indulge me) I assume that most of the people who voted BNP or share their ideals are of working class background. And this is not merely an assumption, I have yet to see or hear an articulate, well educated BNP spokesperson or candidate.

Now.. lets turn to council estates. Most of the ones I have visited or know of are predominately full of British white people. Having never had a job in their lives, spewing out babies at 13 and spending my money on White Lightening, Special Brew and Super Kings.

"but they can't get jobs... All the jobs are given to immigrants" Really? Really? I have a job. So do my friends. So does my mother and my sister. Immigrants don't have our jobs. We do. Because we went and got them. Sourced them. Applied for them. Y'know... checked websites, newspapers, did one of those CV things, worked at school, got some GCSE's, like, y'know. AN EDUCATION.

Could it possibly be fact that 58% of new doctors who enter the NHS stitching up the latest brawl between dole swallowing idiots are in fact immigrants. Now, I don't suppose the government went... right... we only want immigrant doctors. Perhaps that's because those people worked bloody hard at their education and wanted to work in a country where (supposedly) has a tolerant attitude towards foreigners and accepts them as their own. That maybe the best person for the job and absolutely nothing to do with the (shock horror), the colour of their skin and that actually they're just better than you.

These people are so eager to blame everyone else for their short comings. The fact that you have never had a job and have claimed the dole ever since you turned 16 is not the fault of the honest working Indian Doctor, Polish builder etc... it's because you're crap.

The more I see of this country the sicker it makes me feel to be a part of this country.

I could go on. But it's lunch time and I'm hungry.

Noone will read this anyway, so I won't bother looking it through for spelling errors.

Until next time I have a bee in my bonnet.

Goodbye

xo