Tuesday, 30 March 2010

Thursday 25th March, I had hypnotherapy.

Why? To stop eating. Not literally stop all together. That would be ridiculous, to stop OVER eating.

I am obsessed with food, or rather, is that 'was'. My life mostly revolved around food:

Happy:Eat etc etc

and I couldn't stop when I was full. Just kept eating. Snacking. Picking. Just one more biscuit, just a small bit of cheese (x5). Walking down the highstreet was like torture, a variety of fast food outlets, cafes, restaurants, patisseries all oozing out their inviting smell. I felt like Alice in Wonderland except everything had a little label on it saying "Eat Me".
I'd see a recipe and start to salivate, I was hopeless at food shopping and would either come out with EVERYTHING or nothing at all in fear of buying a loaf of bread would lead to me eating the whole loaf and a block of cheese.
And it wasn't JUST my compulsion to eat, there was portion sizes. My boyfriend has (as most men do) a MUCH faster metabolism than me and can eat and eat and eat. So when we cook, I have to cook al ot more, and he gets double portions, or rather he should, but I always ended up dishing up half and half, (after the obligatory cook's snack whilst cooking).

Now, by rights I should be the size of a house. I'm not, I am overweight. UK size 14. 12 if I'm lucky. But certainly not FAT. I used to be though, and last year I managed to loose 3.5 stone (43lbs). I went a bit crazy really, barely ate and survived on diet coke and cigarettes. But I did it, went from a size 18 - 12 (I've put a little bit on....) between January and April/May 2009.

But I could see the old habits returning. "Oh... I'll just have this, Oh, just one more." Trouble was I could see I wasn't normal in my eating habits, my friends love food, and we like to go out for meals, but they're not OBSESSED like I seemed to be?

Enough back story. A woman at work is also a hypnotherapist, talking to her jokingly one day about her hypnotising me to stop eating , she said she would. A couple of months later, I decided, well it can't hurt can it? She did it for free, so I had nothing to loose. So last Thursday, after work I "went under".

Now, it's not "going under" I was fully aware of everything that was going on, I can remember everything she said to me, I can remember everything I said to her. She had told me she was going to do a re-frame. Change the way I think about eating and food. After about half and hour it was over. It was quite emotional in places as she tried to go back to where perhaps in my life I started overeating and why I may have etc. She also made me think about something that has happened that made me feel really happy in life. Several things and to hold on to them, let the feeling wash over you etc. then anchor it between your thumb and finger and keep it there. That is your anchor. any wobbles, any worries, use the anchor, pinch your thumb and forefinger together and that feeling will wash over you.

Now... I'm not skeptical at all, I'm quite open minded, but at the same time I had no idea if any of this would work. Why would it, I didn't feel any different afterwards, I wasn't "under", there was no great epiphany. It was 6.30 and I was going home to make me some dinner before I went out to meet a friend for a drink. (ah look food again)

So I went home, made a jacket potato and tuna. I ate it, and bizarrely, I was full. Actually full, it wasn't a big potato. only a small bit of tuna. (thought I'd try and be good) - I went to the pub to meet my friend and was actually struggling to have a drink because I felt so full up. Weired. Mind over matter.

Next day, got a sandwich at lunch (M&S Count on Us) and CoU crisps, couldn't finish the crisps. Threw them away. didn't want them.

In the evening, had a ready meal as I was going out and didn't have time. One of those piddly little things. Full.

Way home, was hungry, had a chicken Shish, BF wanted to get big greasy pizza. Now, I was actually hungry, so I ate. I didn't want something greasy and bad, i wanted something relatively healthy.

Saturday, friends and I went out to lunch, they had pizzas etc, I really wasn't very hungry so I had a starter and was full, didn't even want the garlic bread that my 3 year old friends son didn't want, (and believe me i would have polished that off in a second a week ago!). But again the strange thing is is that I GENUINELY don't want it.

This behavior has carried on and on, I even went out for Curry on Sunday evening. I couldn't finish it all and I couldn't finish my lunch or dinner last night.

just simply too full, I don't think about food unless it's a meal time, and I still love food and love to cook, but don't want it unless I'm hungry.

It's fantastic, of course I don't know how long it'll last. But it's as if my whole attitude has changed. L (Hypno lady) thinks it should last forever really, as it's a re frame. Not an aversion to food.

I love food, but I don't want it thanks!

I feel like this must be how normal people are with normal eating habits. I don't want to spend my life on a diet. I just want to be able to eat what I want but in moderation and stop when I'm full... to be able to recognise when I'm full.

And that's exactly what I'm doing and hopefully in a few weeks I'll see some results in the way of lbs.

I am going to use this blog to document how well I do and how I feel about food as well as day to day things that I love such as dancing, Vintage fashions and lifestyle, sewing (or rather my comedic attempts to) and various other bits and bobs which make me, me.