Thursday, 6 January 2011

pickly subject...

This Christmas, I was deprived of my Gerkhins. I was quite upset by this. I thought i should drop the good folk of Marks & Sparks a line to let them know my dissatisfaction. I do hope I get a reply...

Dear M&S,

This may sound like rather an odd complaint; however, I would like to voice my disappointment at the lack of gherkins available over the festive period. Yes. Gherkins. I realise that this pickled good is probably of little importance to you, however, for the past 28 years there has been one staple of my boxing day left over lunch, and this is the Marks & Spencer gherkin. True to your tagline, these are not just Gherkins. They are Marks & Spencer Gherkins. They are tiny pickily cucumbers floating in a sea of dill and mustard seeds on top of a thatching of sliced onion. I daresay Harrods food court couldn't do a better gherkin. Oh, how I look forward to these every year. Alas, this year they were nowhere to be found. Nowhere, not in my local store in Canterbury, not in your brand spanking new Simply Food store just outside Canterbury, not in St Albans, Watford, Winchester or Southampton. Has there been a national cucumber shortage this year? For when one walked down the ailse of Sainsbury's, Tesco's etc there were jars and jars of the things in their resplendent glory. Sadly, they are not M&S and simply would not do.

Despite my huge disappointment, and the fact that for the first time in my life my boxing day sandwich was sorely lacking on the pickle front, I am sure you will be glad to hear that this incident alone did not ruin my Christmas, however, it was a close call.

Please tell me that I will not have to suffer the Mrs. Elwood soggy, sour gerkhins again that that by some cruel twist of fate that the above stores had simply sold out and I was just unlucky, not that they have been discontinued as one of your lovely employees dared suggest. For this, I could not take.

As an end note, please, despite the hilarity of the subject matter, this is a serious complaint. I really do love your gherkins and I was very much distressed that I couldn't find any in the run up to Christmas.

Yours sincerely,